Finding Safe Harbor: Buddhist Sexual Ethics in America 24.

Kaza, Stephanie. 2004. Finding Safe Harbor: Buddhist Sexual Ethics in America,
Buddhist Christian Studies, 24.
B U D D H I S T A N D C H R I S ' I I A N V I L , \ f l SO F S E , X
FindingSafeHarbor: BuddhistSexual
Ethicsin America
StephanieKaza
(lniuersityofWrmont
When the Buddha left home in searchof spiritual understanding,he left behind his
wife and presumably the pleasuresof sex. After his er.rlightenment,he encouraged
othersto do the same: renounce the world of the sensesto seekliber:rtion from suffering.The monks and nuns thar fbllowed the Buddha's reachingsf<>rrnecl
. kind of
sexless
society,a society thnt did not rcproduce itselfbiologicaily.r By abstaining fron.r
sexualrelations, Buddhist monirstics intended to reduce attachment :rncl model ar-r
alternativeto lay life. Buddhist society would conrinr"revia transmissionof the tcircl.rings,a spiritual form ofcontinuity noc depcndent on sex.
But of course,the Buddha was teachingordi'ary peoplewith ordinary appetires
for sexualconracr. And rheseappetites could really get i' the way ofspiritt,"i progress;thus we 6nd no shorrageof Buddhist colnmenrary on scxuality ar-rclirs rami6cations.And despire2,500 yearsof wisdom on this subject,Buddhist reachersancl
studentsare still blundering into sexualconracrsrhat underrninetheir owr-rprogress
and ofte' the progressof othcrs. clc.rly rhis is not a hur.nan fallibility that can be
correctedby setting up some sin-rplelules. In fact, sexuality is one of the most deeply
hard-wired neurological drives of thc human organism, not e.sily uprooted even for
lofty spiritual ideals.
From a Buddhist perspectivc,working with sexuality is working with artachmer.rt.
How can we unclerstandthat amachmentin its biological origins? In A Natura/ Historyof Sex,Adrian Forsyth describcsir.rvivid dctail the ecology and evolution of mating behavior in the animal kingdom.r ln sixteen chapters rhar c.ver every biological
strategyyou can imagine-from incest ro role reversal,infanticide ro sex chalggthe author shows how costly sex c:rn be to individual organisms.Though ,., i. ,ur
the only means of reproduction, ir certainly involves the most con-rplcxbehavi.rs,
anatomicalvariations, social choices,and ir-ra few cases,the risk of death. \what can
possiblymerit such a grear invesrmcnt in momentary pleasure (if indeed it is pleasurablefor some animals)?The evolutionary answeris, ger.retically
variable offspr.ilg.
variation is the key to surviving calamity as a species.If all animals of a specieswcre
geneticallyidentical, they wouid be terribly vulnerable to single eventsthat exploited
their weakr-resscs.
But with variation, there is alwaysa chance that some will makc it
[]uddhisrChritiau5rudirc)4 (200,1).o bv L.r.ircrsitvof I {erviri'il)rcss.All rightsrc.crvecl
r
24
STEPHANIE KAZA
through ar-rdgo on to survive the new conditions (post-earthquake,fire, icestorm,
Pl:rgue,€tc.J.
Scen From the long vicw ofevolution, sexuality is the kcy to survival ofthc specres.
So it is not sr,rrprising
thirt sexualcondirioning affectsthe enrire human brain, a fact
well known to human adolescents.'Ibseehow n-ruchcor-rditioningmust be acldressed
by Buddhist practic€,we can look briefly :rt the neural map oF rhe human brain. The
part of the cortex that responds to touch is wrappecl around the ccrcbrun-r,with
specific areasrcgistering touch in the diflerent parts ofrhe body. The area taken up
by the ger.ritalsis about as largc as rhe resr of rhc chest, abdomcn, and back pur
together. It is equivalent to the area used for the hands or the lips, rwo parts of thc
body where touch is crucial fbr finding and mar.raginefood. Rita Cartcr, in Mappirtg
the Mind, points out thirt "connections fror-n the scx-sniffing, sex-scckingand sexr€active areasof the limbic systemsradiirte to almost every corner of every cortical
lobe, feeding the urge to our consciousminds."J Sexuirlactivity involvesnot only
touch arrd high-level visual recognirion but also cmotion, thought, and, in the fronrirl
lobes,rnorality-some of our most sophisticaredand abstractthought processes.
It is clearthat sexualitypresenrsno small chirllengeto religiouspracrice. How has
Buddhism attempted to work with this deep biological condirioning?T'he ccnrrirl
guidelines for Buddhist ethics c:rn be found in thc five foundational precepts.Practicing the preccpts is seen as a way ro reduce suffcring and to deepcn one's cepacity
fbr achieving enlightenment. The first rwo preceprs deal with not killing ancl not
stealing,chethird preceprdealswith not engagingin sexualmisconduct, the fourth
is not lying, and the fifth is rrot using ir.rtoxicants.'fheoriginirl languagefor rhe third
PrecePtin the Pali texrsis kamesu,or wrongful conduct with regard to the five sense
organs.4Sexualrnisconductis seenas a parricularlydamaging fbrm of sensualabuse
since sexual activity c:rn generate so much suffering. Thc Buddha is said ro have
admonishedhis foilowersto avoid unchastity"asif it were a pit of buming cinders."5
'fhis
is some indication the Buddha recognizcdhow powerftrl the sex drive is in fbrmir-rgattachment.
In contrast to thc absolutemorality cxpressedin somc Christian traditions, where
sexuality may be seen as a sin ag:rinstGod, the basis for Buddhist ch:rstity is morc
instrumental,alnost pragmatic.(ietting tangledup in sex makesit much harder to
be freeof attachmentand attain enlighrenmer-rt.'lwosynonymsfor nirvana poinr to
this: uiraga means "absenceof lust" tnd tanhrtkhaya means "wanirrg oF craving."r'
The enlightened person is one who is free from craving or desire.The Second Noble
'lo
Tiuth points to desire as th€ causeof suffering.
be frce of desire is to be free of
sufFering.Craving or desire is seen as driving the twelve links of coclependenrongination. Desire arisesfrom feelings generatedfrom sensation through conracr (and
sexual contact is very strong conract). Quite quickly, in a single momenr, cravrng
can lead to attachment to the fcelings (positive or negarive) generated by cor-rtact.
Attachment generatesconsciousncss,which leads to further stagesof becoming. A
lot of attachmenr keeps one firmly in the grip of the endless cycle of desire. Thc
Buddha adr.isedhis Followersto avoid sexual conract in order to rcduce the prin of
attachment and thus attair.rtheir spiritual goals with lessdistraction.
BUDDHIS]'
SEXUAI,.ETHICS IN AMERICA
Vhat, in particular, is rhe nature of attachment formed through sexualactivity?
The Buddhist ethicist Saddhatissapoints to the danger of lusting after permanence
through procreation.T The Buddhist view of the world, however, is that everything
is impermanent. Understanding this is key to developing equanimity in the fice of
an ever-changingreality. Sexualactivity can also dispel loneliness,reinforcing a false
senseof the "I" as permanent.Anorher danger is attachmentro powerwithin a sexual relationship. This kind olr lust aiso builds the ego sell using various degreesof
domination to maintain self idenrity. For some, attachment can arise from addiction
to stimulatiorrand arousal,the necd for consrantsensarion.The Buddha used the
metaphor of the leper who tried ro cure his wounds by burning thern. Applying fire
provided some relief but soon the sorcs festeredfrom the burns and begar.ritching
again.Thc Buddha offers a more effectivccure brought by a great physician, the medicine of the Dharma, which car.rcure the leper forever of the addicrive craving.s
Sexual activity is sccn as rhe srrongest bond ro earrhly existcnce.The Buddha
comparedit to the stickiest kind of tree sap. Oncc stuck in this sap, like Br'er Rabbit
in the briar patch, it is very difficult to get free. The monasric solution was ro practice celibacy.The requirement of celibacy is in Fnctusually central to the definition
of mor-rasticpracticc. But what about lay practitioners, family men-rbers,and ordinary
men and women still bound by their evolutionary inheritar.rce
? The third preccpr irr
leastprovided some limits on human behirvior that could minimize their suffcring.
SEX, 1]UDDHISM,
MODERN AMERICA
Vhen the mosr recenr wave of Buddhism came ro rhe \Xlesr,this sticky rree s:rpwas
a conspicuouspart ofthe sociallandscapeofthe 1960s.Beats,hippies,and love children were all breakingout of the "sexis sin" erir of the 1950s.California Buddhists
were surrounded by the free-sexrevolution; it wirs pretty hard to ignore. Con-rplicatingthis was the confusingfact thirtJapanesc
priestswere nor celibate.In the nineteenth centurv at the er-rdof thc Tokugawa cra, all Buddhist secrswere rcmoved from
governrnentcontrol and releasedfrom legal resrraintson marryir-rg.In firct, the government encouraged pricsts to marry ir-ri.rn:lrrcnrpr to break up tht: power of Buddhism. Jap:rneseBuddhists no longer hcld to celibacyas a de{ining pracrice. How did
this cor-rftrsiontranslate to lay Ar-nericanstrying to figure out what Zen was? Buddhist poet Clirry Snyder observed,"'I'he questions of marriage, family, and sexuality
have never been resolved.Not by the J:rpanese,ar-rdlessso by the Americans. They
'I'hey
just overlook thern.
don't kr.rowwhar else to do with them."')
In the effbrt to establishZen in America, the side srories about sexuality arc nor
so pretty. Lct me iilustrate with a personalnote. My own practice exper.iencewith the
SanFranciscoZen Center in the 1980swas enrirely marked by the shadow of a major
sexualscrndal ir.rvolvingrhe abbot Richard llaker. After a phenomenal growth period
in which Zen Center dcveloped threc practice cenrers,bought numerous buildings,
and establishedseveralmajor businesses-puming Zen Buddhism stror.rglyon rhe
map in,{1nsri61-1h6 whole houseof cardscame tumbling down in 1983 when the
abbot had severalaffairs, the last of which was with his best iriendt wifb.-fhe entire
25
l6
STEPHANIE KAZA
tale of denial and betrayal has been recounted by Michael Downing in ShoesOutsirJe
the Door,:,rbook th:rt many Zen students were afraid to seepublished.r0 l moved to
Creen Gulch Zen Center in 1984 and lived there fbr three yearsin the aftcrmarh of
this psychic avalanchcthat splintered the community and lelrt pcoplet practiccs
in
tirtters fbr some rime. I had no personal relatior.rshipwith l{ichard Bakei. nor had
I
studicd with his teacher,Shunryu Suzuki. I came ro practice with othcrs inrerested
in
Ze' and I fbund an organizarion drownir.rgin doubt, compretely u'prep.reci fbr the
impacr of losing rheir tcircher,director, enrrepreneur,and financier. Baker'.,exposure
and deparrure was c.lled "the apocalypse";after his era, everything changcd.
Richard lJaker w:rs nor rhe oriy zen teacher ro be caught up in ,exu"l politics.
There were a rash of berrayalsand criscs in rhe l9g0s rr.,.l ."riy 1990s, irrcluding
Maezumi Roshi at the Los Angeles Zen Cenrer and Osel 'Itnzin, the na'-rcd successor to chogyan Tiungpa. osel renzir.r, it turned our, nor only had many affirirs,but
also was HIV positive, thus spreadir.rgmore than the dharn.rauntil he firallv diec{
(presum:rblyoltAIDS). The Shambhalacon'rn.runity
is still recoveringfrorn rhc engrmous impacts of this scandal and have not ftrlly:rddrcssedthe need for
lrrevenrarrve
policiesto Protectstudcntsfrom inappropriatesexrul hchavior.\Thy hrs rhis:rreaof
ethicsbeen so difllcult to approachfbr American studcrrts?
Michael f)owr-ring offcrs a number of opinions, cullcd frorr the mar-ryinterviews
he did in researchir-rp;
the San Fr:rnciscoZen cenrer story. First, rhere was thc willing collusion in rnystifyirrgthe teacheras the perlect authority. Stgdentswerc silcnt
anclsubmissivein rheir allegiar.rce
to their tcacher,unwilling to challengchirn on his
behavior',even rvhcn thcy kncw whar w.s goirrg.n. Sccor-rcl,
as an institurion the Zcn
Center was not particularlysophisticatedin comrrunication and {:rcilitationn-rerhod.sfbr building open commu'iry. Major decisior.rs
were made by the very capable
abbot and carried out by thc staff.'l'hc bo:rrdof direcrorswas morc or lcss:rrubbcr
stamp to the abbot, continuing tl.rctradition begunwirh thc fbunding teacher,sh'nryu Suzuki' under the assumptionthat rhis was the way monrsrcr.ics
wcrc rur-r.Tl-rircl,
person:rlaspirationsfor dharn-ratransnrissionfi'om Baker trtrmped people'sconcerps
that somethingw:rsamiss.If thcir Zcn "fite" wirs in the ha'ds of the reachcr,rr was
crucial to Protect that teacher-studentrclationship in order ro adv:rncespiritlally.
Fourtl.r, rhere were relirtively fbw feedback sysrcnlsin place to provide reality ch.cks
fbr the abbot, or, fbr that lnarrer, fbr the students.Cornmunic,rrior, *". private, ofter-r
secret' and nor rransparent,with no peer check-ir-rsof significirr-rcc.
Baier no longer
l-rada teacherto check his behavioror undersranding,and he becameisolatedin the
le:rdershipposition, findine peersonly outside tl.reorganization.And last but certair-rlynot lcast, the institutional pressuresof rr,rnr-ring
severalbusinesses,parricularly
Creens restaurant (which w:rs a smash successbut took tremcndous ef-fortf,.om Zen
stucle.ts who worked m()re or lessat slavewages),rook their toll on everyone. Budget oversight w:rs slim and even though firr-rdscor-rtinucdto pour- in frorr-rsupporrive do'ors, the Zen center ran in the red most years.lt did''t help that Ilaker spent
money Freclyon such things as a $30,000 BMW justilying his n...1.
crucial to
",
his capacityto function.
ln
th
th
fa
lc
T
I\
n
r(
b
t
I
d
I
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t
BUDr)HIST'
sEXUAL
brHrcs IN AMERTcA
Each cascoFsexualmisconduct raisedconccrns about institutional viability, leaving students not only in shock about their reacher'sbehavior but wonderi'g how
their hon.repractice center (and thus thcir practice) would survive the organizational
earthquake.The scandalsalso exposed Americ:rn students' naivetd in dealing with
their teachers.\il/hereasJapar-rese
monks in training learn to wink at their teachers'
faults, hoping n-rostlyto emulate the teachers'strer-rgrhs,
American students fell in
lovewith Zer.rar.rdtheir Zen teachcrs,intoxicated by the exoric religior.rof the L,ast.
The intoxication was :r wonderful high, particularly for those who were disenchantcd
with vestcrn religion ar-rdalso twesrern governmenr, with all the fallout from the
vietnan \war. who w:r.red ro co''re down from that communally cxuberant high?
No one. \when the bubble burst, it was very p.irrful, .nd with much soul-searching,
many people left the Zen Ccnter.
As thesesrorieshit the mecliir,tluddhist teachersaround the worlcl of1erecladvicc.
refuge,ar-rdrecor-rciliatior-r.
From being almost a nonissue, sexual erhics rose ro rop
billing, with Buddhist centcrs all over the Western world recogr.rizingtheir own vulnerabilityin this area.Sever:rlleadingfigurestook this opportuniry to deveioptheir
-l'hese
teachingson sexualethics and the precepts.
then bccame the basisfbr firrthe r
institutional reform :rcrossrhe next decadc.Roberr Aitken and Thich Nhat Hanh
were rwo of the closc advisors for the Zer-r(lenter
As head teacherfor the Honolulu Zen center, Airken had to con{ront the issues
of men and womcn practicingtogether.Though rhis was nor thc rradirionalmonastic way, he felt it was important for Ame ricar-rsto sit together in rhe zendo artd sharc
all the tasksof m:rintainingrr pr:rcticcccnrer,cvcn though he knew this would raisc
some challer-rges.
He fblt rhere was "an experienceof wholer-ress
in having thc other
sexin closeassociationthroughout tl-rcday."ll l-hough sexu:rll:rntasiesancl initiativeswere still present,he tl-roughtthey became morc acceprableas normal in a
mixed-pr:rcticesituatior-r,:rnd therefore lcssa fbcus of attention. Aitken rook a Dractical appro.ch by admitting that "the sexualdrive is part of thc hurnan path oFselfrealization."ll
'faking
ln Aitken's now classic work,
rhe Parh oJ-Zen, published in I9g2, he
adrnonishedsrudenrsnot to indulge in casu:rlsex, stcalinglike a thief fronr othcrs
or undcrvaluing or-re's
sclf as an agent of the I)hirrr-r-ra.
He wrore, "Scx is ncither pure
nor impure. our attitude ab.ut it can either be disruptir.eor conducivc to decp
'|'lte
practice."r'] Hc developed these ideasfurther in
Mind of c/ouer, his sct of ess:rys
on the preceptsrhar c:rnreout in l9B4 just afrer the Zen Ccnter ncws had br.kcn.
He tra'sl.ted the third precept as "no unrightcotrslewdness"or, in his words, "no
boorish sex."r1 He felt asceticismas well as lewdncsscould be boorish, defini.e
boorish as "thinking jusr of one's self." In his center'.spreceprscercmony, Aitker rLse,
the translation from Bodhidharma: "nor cre:rtinga veneerof attachmenr is callcd the
Preceptof Not Misusi.g Sex."t5 Aitkent expositionson this precepr helpcd to
ground American Zen sexualethics firmly in Buddhist concerns about sclf-centered
attachment, redirecting some of the overly zealousPuritanical critique that arose ir-r
responseto the betrayal. As a leading advisor for the Buddhist peace Fellowship,
27
STEPHANIEKA7.;
Aitken had rhe eirrsof concerned Buddhists acrossrhe counrry who were looking for
insight on this thorny iss'e. His authority and even-handedapproach ,o ,"*.,"Ii,y
was a refreshing balm in the field of wounds left behind from ir.rappropriatcsex.
vietnamese Zcn teacherThich Nhat Hirnh was also i'volved in he$ing rl'e zen
Center through thc morassof fceling leFtin the wake of the sexualscaldal. He oftered
Richard Baker refuge at Plum Village in France and a chance to rcllect on his arlions
and the processof reconciliation.As a celibaternonk,'fhay (as his sruclcnrsc:rllecl
him) had virtually no experiencewitl.r sexuality, bur it was plain to hin.r that Baker's
irresponsibilityhad scverelydisrupted the stability of the practicecommur-rity.His
very pragn"raticapproach was ro work toward stabiliry, encoural;ing :rll menrbers of
the community to take responsibilityfbr their part in creatingthc siiuarior.r.
In i 985,
'l'hay
cre:rteda vow-taki'g ccremony bascd on his "Fourteen wo'der-firl Precepts."
'I'his
version of the precepts was radical and corrrroversi:rlir-ra number nf *"ur:
"t
Gleer-rGulch Zcn Center they were seenas almost :r subvcrsiveforr-nof thc preccDrs.
Thay's original vcrsion of the third precepr was worded:
S
ol
it
a(
P:
ti
t
n
fr
a
I
t
I
.I
n
f)o 'ot mistreat your body. Learn ro handle it with respcct. l)o ..t look on
your.body as only an insrrur-nenr.Prcservevital e'ergics iseru,rl, breath, spirit)
for the realizationof the way. sexual exprcssio' should 'ot happcn wirhout
lovc and commirmenr. In scxual relationships, be aware of f,,tui-e sul.f-eri'git
rnay causeothels.'lb preservethc happinessof other:s,rcspectche r-ightr.rnd
c.mmitmenrs of others.Bc firlly awarc of the responsibilityof bringlng'cw
livcs ir.rtothe rvorld. Meditate on rhe world into which you arc brinling neru
beings.tr'
)l
s
g
o
In a later commenrary,he explai.ed that rhis preceprwas srrongly linked with the
fifth precept oF not cor-rsumilrgirlcohol or drugs, sincc both concerned destructivc
and destabilizing bchavior. He felt thc primirry err-rpl.r:rsis
should bc on creating ancl
supporting:r stablesocierythat could then support a stablc spir-itualpracticc. Iigr
Thich Nhar Har.rh,sex is an "ac of commur.ri.n betweenbody a.d spirit."r- If this
commur-ri.r'ris made with respect:rnd care, thc'r thcre will be lesssuflcrir-re.He cr.iricized the misuseof the worcl "love" in the wesrern wor[,], whcrc ir is u.u.rlly ec}rarecl
with desireor thc attachment associatedwith bcing lovesick. He said this atrachmcnt
is likc a drug that makesus fecl wonderful b't is.ddicting. It can be a kind of prison
in which we enrrap thc loved one. Instcird, Thay explaincd tl.r:rrsexual encrgy is rr
valuable source of energy tl-ratcan be uscd to attain deep realiz:rtior-r.He criricizcd
the scx industry and the useof sex to sell products,warning that rhis too violatesthe
rh ircl precepr.
In fall 1990 the lluddhist PeaccFellowship took up thc issuc of sexualcthics in a
town meeting held in Berkcley,Cirliforni:r. This began some important public hcal,
ing work and thc evenrualconstructionof sexualethicsguidelincsfor Arnerican Zcn
pracricecenters.C)ne of the panelistswas PeterRutter, author of tl'rerccently releasecl
book srr in the ForbiddenZone.rs Dr. Rutter clocumented a p:rrrern of abuse across
many positionsof power, showing that what happened ar rhr- z-en cenrcr was p:lrr
,)
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BUI)DHIST
g fbr
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SEXUAL EI.HICS IN AMERICA
of a widesprcadcultural phenomenon in the United
Srates.L)isturbingas that was,
it wasalsovery helpf,l ro .n:rlvze thc patter-nsofsecrecy
and serf-deceptionthat char_
acterizedsexu:rlabuse. Ferninisr writer S.s.n Ciriffin
poi'recl o,.,aho* hierarchical
parrernsof rclarionsl-ripberween mcn ancl women
.,r,-rt.ibut"d to rhe power difl-ercntial berweenteachersar-rdstudents that nracreinappropriate
sex possible.senior Ze.
center scuclenrYvo'ne l{and advocated a firmer
.r-'phr.i, ur-r,h" pr...pts, which
wereapparenrlynot ernphasizedthat mr-rchin the-fapanese
Zen r.adition. In express_
ing her own grief at having been part of the secret-keeping
mechanism,she s:ridsrre
lelt it was verv important to continually rernind
h..r.li'th"t she too wirscorruptible.
That practice serveclas an antidote to placir-rgall
the bl:rme nn ,h. p"rp.,r"arr.
The public forunr was a very helpfirl prol.r,
f<rr those *ho
C)ne par_
ticipantsaicl,
"tt.,.,d..I.
Ifhe.]. rneering raised rny hopes a'd lcfi me encolrraged .bour
the rrurr-rre
of
Buddhism in rhis country. picparc.l by.rganizers
r"h'o dispraye.t
d i n l ' v s c n s i r i v i r yt . r l r ei s s r r ersr r d , o r i . - . n , b . r s , , f
r r r en i , , n ' y - ."n.r,r,,or..,l.,'nr.,niri.,
aflected.by-power abuse, t'e
:rllorvecrus to speak ho'estly and
w i t h . o r r r p , r r s i r r r r .erer.gathe'rir-rg
ek n o w l . . . l g " m e nr ,r , r l r eG e l i l r g r . r l . r t , , j . , , , r , , , , d
i..lp"",l
g i r h q t r t s r i . n so f ' r , . r e r i o n s l r i p s
rrc \rIuggrir)w
y
:
r
.
i , i r h r c , r . . r r . .rr. r r . l
:lnrl' | '
s.lngnJ.
Duri'g t'e .pen-n-rikeperiod, peoplc shared
their person:rlexperiencesand questions about Buddhist practicc as it had [,ee,.r
af ctc.r by rhesesexuaru'hea'ars. Tir
prescrve
cor]fidentialiry,rhc commenrswere r-rottapcd.'l'he
facilitator.lor.d the sessionby horrori'g peoples vulnerability and pair.r,
renrinclir.rg
the gr.ou1.r
tr.rarthis pro_
cessw:ls part oF "rerveaving the web that connects
u, in ..r,-r-rr-r-r,rnity.":rr
After the
forum, Peoplc talked abor,rtfo'ning an ethics c.mmirree
ro take the nexr srep beyond
airing_fcelingsby dcveloping guiderines For practicing
effectively with rhe third pre_
cept.1'his markcd the poir.rrat which A',-,.ri."n
Bucidhist ,t.,d.,.,t., made the strug_
gle with sex their own, ancl not just the problem of
the teacher.
DEVELOPING BTIDD}IIS'f
CODES OIJ SEXI]AL E]-HICS
This is also thc ;roi'r where this papcr begins
to responcrin crepth ro John Bertrrrongs paper prcsentingchristian p"rrp..,i,r", ,rn
lo,r. anclsex. i h"u. ,-r,r,takcn up
the <luesrionof culture wars .nd ,.*u,,1 ,-.u,rrutio',
nor rhe probrern of God as wholly
other, sirce this would not bc_aBuddhist problern
in vicwing sextrarabuse.n.r*.".;,
I hirvet.ld the story of what happcnswl,en there is
not enough ethical reflecrio. in
a religiousle:rderor:r rcligiousconrmr-Lniry.
I belicveth" p"tt"i-r6 of sextralab.se cas_
il1'transcenclreligiousdenomin:rtion, ,hi, Buddrrist
srory illustrate.q"i,"
As for casuistrv,ir seemsthat this is to", somc extent
"triarr.
arrcadya p:rrt of the Buddhist
merhod for moral rellection.'fhus, I arn lefr with what
is most intcresti'g to nre: h.w
a community defineswhat is ancris not acceptable
to its mcmbers. Mlrie Forcune
hasservedas a leadi'g v.ice ir-rrlris regardin the
christian community, ar-rdher work
29
30
has cert:rinly been valuable to Buddhists sorring our rhe same issues.She defines criteria for consensualsex berlveen adults basedon the principlc "love does no harm."
'l'his
is an almost exactrendition of the first and most foundarional preceprin Buddhism: "Do no harm." So herc is our common ground.
Fortunet five rubrics, as summarized in Berthrong's paper in this volume, pertein
primarily to the personswho are choosingwhat they will consent to. Tb reirerere,
theseare (1) to choosepeer relationships,thereby minimiz.ing problems of power;
(2) to seekauthentic consenr; (3) to care for the health :rnd well-being of our sexual
p:rrtners; (4) to share scxual pleasureand intin-racywith concern fbr one's partr-rer's
needs as well as one's own; and (5) to be faithfirl in sexual cncounrers.ll Bcrrhror-rg
suggeststhat theseguidelinesevoke broader community reflectionson rhe "narure of
human flourishing at a cosmologicallevel." In particular,he raisesthe irnplicatior.rs
of pronatalistpoliciesthat derive from Christian philosophy toward sex. How does
stewardshipof personalhealth ar.rdwcll-being interfacewith stewardshipoF rhe wider
planetarysupport system?Borrowing on a phrasefrorn Ricouer,Bcrthrong suggesrs
ir "hermeneutics of restoration" that carr apply to both sexual ethics and ecological
ethics.
To seehow Buddhists have pickecl up this hermeneutics of restoration, I w:rnt to
look closely at the extcnsivework done by the San FranciscoZen Cer-rterto develop
institutior.ralguidclines fbr community n.rembers.
Afttcr the 1990 Buddhisr Peace
Fellowship forun, two ir.ritiativeslaid the ground work for the SFZC work. First, a
neighboring Buddhist group, Spirit Rock Meditation Center, under the leadership
of Jack Kornficld, decided to study these questions beforetl.reyf<rund themselvesin
hot water. As the board of clirectorsundertook a rnajor fundraising carnpaign ro purchaseland and build a retreat ccnrer in wesrernM:rrin County, thcy appointed :r subcommittee (called the "Ethics C)ommittee") to provide some guicl:rnceon reachcrstudent relations. At the same timc, :r number of teachersin the S:rn FrirnciscoBay
areaasked the Buddhist PeaceFcllowship to develop general Buddhisr guidelir.reson
sexr.ral
ethics that could addressthis issuebroadly. The resultsof rheir work are available from each organization.ll
The Spirit Rock docurncntacceptsthe inevirabilityof conflict within the community, stating an open willingness "to fir-rdeffcctive, respor-rsible,
and cor-npassionlre
meansof resolvingir.rterpersonal
rensions."rl They de{ine a Budclhist approach to
conllict rcsolutionas not being b:rsedon good or bad, blame ol guilt. In conrrasrro
\WesternChrisrian and legal traditions, the Buddhisr w:ry is to fully
addressthe suffering ofall concerned.T-heysratethat Buddhist practice should virlue "dialoguc ovcr
silence, reconciliation over estrangement, forgivenessover rcsentrrlent, confcssior-r
'I'he
o\.er accusation,and atonement over punishment."la
document explairrsthe
role of the Ethics and ReconciliationCouncil, a group of sevenrespectedpracririonersappoirrtedby the board of directorsar-rdincluding:rt leasronc reacher,one board
memtrcr, one staff membcr, irnd one generalcommuniry membcr. Though not stared
explicitly, it seemsclear that the ERC would be the group to addressissuesof sexual
abuseor inappropriate sexual behavior, espcciallyir-rvolvingtcachersand students.
As part of this proccss,the Spirit Ilock teacherstook the lead ir.r developing a
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SEXUAI- ETHICS IN AME,RICA
"TeacherCode of Ethics." In tl.reopening sraremenr,they acknowledge that "without the support of monastic vows and Asian customs, we have a need for clear
Westernguidelinesfof conductl." This points directly ro some of the problems of
cultural translation faced as Buddhism is being transplanted in the west: problems
o[monastic/lay practice,male/femirlerelations,student/teacherexpecrarions.
The
precept on refraining From sexual misconduct is the lor-rgestof rhe five, srf,ring
unequivocallythat a "sexual relationship is never appropriate berween teachersand
ral
'rt
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of
ns
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s
,I
students."25They further agree rhar all teachersshould "not use rheir teaching role
to exploit their authority and position ir-rorder to assumea sexual relationship with
a student."26Ifa relationshipdoesseemro be developingbetweena reacherand student, it is recommended that that form of the relirtio'ship be ended befbre a romantic (and presumablyphysical)relationshipis begun, allowi'g a minim.m of three
months berlveenthe two.
san FranciscoZen (lenrer'sethicsdocument is similar in srrucrure,though even
strongerthar-rthe Spirit Rock documenr. Becauseof the extrcme suffering engendered by the Richard Baker episode, the Zen Centcr languagc is q.ite cxplicit in
describingthe potential for harm. Their statementregardingthe third preccpt is, i'
full:
A disciple of Buddha does not misuse sexuality but rather cultivaresand
encouragesoper-rand hor-restrclationships.The Lcn Center sangharecognizes
that sexualityis as much a part of the field of practiceas any orher aspectof
our daily livcs.Acknowledgingand honoring our sexualityis parr of creating
an environmenr where conscious,mindful and compassionaterclationships
can be cultivatccl. Special care musr be taken wher-rpeople of unequal status
or authority enter inro a sexualrelirtionship. ln particular, there are two forms
of relationshipswhich can lead ro grear h.rm and confirsion. Therefore both
are cor-rsidered
ir misuse of sexuality witl-rin our community.l;
fhey then take up full legal rcsponsibiliry as an institution, declarir.rgir first a mrsuseof sexualityfor ,rny adult at tlte 7,en Ccnter ro engagein sex."vitha minor. Ecl-ro,
ing the Spirit Rock prohibitio' on reachcr-srudentsexuaiity, Zen ce'ter recommendsa six-nonth neutral period after ending a teachingrelationshipand beginning
a sexuallyacrive peer relatior-rship.Further, rhey recommend that anyone in a fon-nal
religiousleadership role with "clear advantagesof influence in relationship ro others"should discussthe appropriatenessof thcir potential relationship witl.r a practicc
leader.2s'l'hezcncenter also adds an exrra precaution fbr new students,basedon its
experienceat the residentialcenters,where peop[e can be easilyclisrractedby inrriguing practice mates:
'we
have lear'ed that it r.kes about six monrhs for a new studcnt to est:rblish
the foundatio' of his or her practice:rndro understandthe complex narureof
inter-rel.tionships within the sar-rgha.I' order ro protecr a ncw srudenr's
opportunity to practice,we cxpectanyonewho has beenat Zen Center longer
than six months to consuk with ir practice leader:rbour a poter-rtialrelationship
31
)
STF,PHANIE KAZA
)L
with:r new student during the first six months of thc new studcnt'sresidency
at Zen Center. Everyone coming to Zen Clenter in any capacity has the right
to be free from sexual hirrassment. Continued cxpression of sexual interest
after beir-rginlormed that such intercst is unwelcome is:r misuse of sexr-raliry.r')
As with Spirit Rock, the ethics documcnt grew our the work of an erhic. conrmittec, chargedby the Zcn Center :rbbotsand appointed by the board of dircctors to
developan ethicspolicy. The processinvolvcd many hours of discussionwith con-rmunity membersat all three practicepl:rces((iity Clcnter,Grccn Gulch, and'Ihssajarir),continuing in an important way thc healing begun by the earlierBPF fbrum.
The statementwas finalizedand adopted in November 1996.
The 7en Cer.rterguidelincs cover similar grievanceproceduresas Spirit Rock:
liling a cornplaint, acceptiltga complaint, forming a grievancccomtlittce, invesrigaring rhe cornplaint, and reporting the committee's fir.rdings.But they add to this
tlre rigl-rtto appeal :r comn-rittee'sdecision to ,r second cotnmittee.'I'hey also recomrecommendations to both Partieson stePs
rnend that a convener rnirke "r-ron-bindit-rg
they may takc toward reconciliation among themselvcsand if necessarywith rhe 7,en
types of decisionsthat might bc made by a
An appendix ir.rcludes
Center sangha.".ro
grievancecommirrce, including medi:rtedresolution, reversalof an aclministrative
:lcrion, privatereprirnand,or public censure.It is almost as if the list includesall the
possibleacrions anyone at the Zen Centcr dreameclof to settlc the situation with
Rich:rrd Baker. (Of coufse, the ClrievanceComt.t.titteedid not exist at the tinrc, so
none of thesc cotrld be ofEcially mar.rdated.)
perhapsthe most signific:rnt piece of work undertaken by the Zet-rCenter was rhe
implementation of a procedurefirr hearingout the partiesto a conflict. This reflects
thc recognition that siler-rceon the p:rrt of the community was a critical lactor in
perperuaringthe sexualabuseofthe teacher.'I'heprincipleslistcd as guideltneswere
learned from a specialistir-rmcdiation processrvho was also a concerned neighbor
-.-O.t
of the Zcn Center. The five stepsto this process(in abbreviated form)
li.1
1. Stating the Actual: A crucial aspectof conflict resolution, just as ir.rBuddhist
practiceitself,is discriminatingbetweenour interpretationsand opinions of
an event and how the event was or is personally experienced.In part, this
means not making general stiltements trut rather sticking to the particulars
of actual situations ar-rdthe emotions experienced.
2. Being Heard: This means that everyone be given a chance to recount how
they remember the history of a cor.rflict,to state their feelings regarding the
conflict, and to explain the goals thev havc for its resolution. Much conflict
arisesand is perpetuatedthrough a lack ofmutual understanding;taking
calm, deliberate,and adequate time to lister.rto each other is ofter.rall that
is needed for reconciliation to begin.
3. Restating Vhat Was Heard: To insure that everyone understands one
another, it is useful for each p:rrty to brie{1yrestatewhat the othcr has said,
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BUDDHIST
SEXUAL ETHICS IN AMERICA
'fhe
highlighting the main poi'ts.
other p:rrty rhen sayswhether rhe restatement is complete and accurate,and makescorrections.
4. Confission: Rcsolution and leconciliatior.ris greatly facilitateclif everyone
involved reflectson how rhey may have co'tributed to a conflict and then
explainsthis to the othcr p:rrty.
5. Facilit:rtior-r:It is often useful to invite one or more neurral wirnesses.r
mediators to takc part in a sessior-r
of cor-rflictresolution. Such a person may
simply be a silent witncss providing a senscof calm and presenceor may be
an active r-nediatorwho helps ensure th:rt each person is given uninterruptecl
opportunitiesto speak.
6. SeekingAdvice:In addition to or instcadoFinvitir.rga facilitator to parricipatc, it can bc usef'l to seek.dvice for working informally with a conflict.rr
I highlight thescguidelincsin detail herc becausethey describean ethicalproccss
to be used at the institutional level. In contrasrto Maric Forrune'srutrrics,which
pertainprimarily to thc ir.rdividu:rlchoice to engagein sexualactiviry, the Zcn Center guidelinesacknowledgethe implic:rtionsfor an entire organizationif its leaders
engagein in:rppropriate sexual bchavior. It is as if rhe cnrirc org:rnizariol wcre
engagedin casuistry,motivated by the dcep desire to nor have t,, *it,.,.., srLchcxrensivecommunity-wiclesuffering agair.r.I believerhescguidelincscould be used fbr
addressing
sexualabuseirr other religiousinstitutions as wcll. As the recentscx scapdalsin the catholic church have shown, there is no shorrirgeof sexualimproirricry
a m o n gr c l i g i o u s , , r g r r r i izo. nr ts .
Thts sangha-wide work is profound in my n-rinclbecausc it is truly Ame.cirn
Buddhismin evolution, bec.rning sornetl.ring
r.cry diFfbrcntthan any orher form of
Buddhisnrknown to history. l'sread oF relying almost ertirely o' the reacheror
abbotor governingcouncil (traditional ro rnosr fbrms of Buddhism), tl.rc7.n Center and spirit Rock havc devclopcd ways for rhe comm.nicy to takc care of irself. It
is alsoprofbu.d becauseit shows the lor.rgeffort to try to recor.rcilewhat hirppened
and translorm thc expcriencervith l{ichard Baker inro valuable learnins o1 behalfof
the orga'izarior.r.By takir.rgrhe initiative to strugglc through *or:ding,.-proccss,legal
requirements,ancl the spirit of the precepts,these Buddhist comn-runitiesbuilJ
a
foundatior-r
oFstabilityForfuture cor-rflicts
that rnay rise.Clertainlyrhereirrelro gu.lranteesthar sexually inappropriatc behavior will not happerr again in the firt.re, but
at minimum the ethics cocleproviclesa wlry ro deal wirh tl.rcinevitably frilliblc nature
of human beings deeply conditioned by sexuality, fror"nhead ro roe.
Thus, my responseroJoh' Berthrong'sexploratior-r
orrlove,lust, a'd sex fronr a
Chr-istian
perspectiveis to highlight the evolution of Buddhist socialattituclcsas rhey
havebecr.rcodified in modcrn institutional fbrm. problems of laylmonastic, male/
femalepractice still exisr as \Tesrcrnerstakc up rhe clharma, ircing morc deeply
the
challenges
of being human. Ir-ra time when sexualityirr-rdits
"bur. "r..,r,r-,m,r,rp1,,..
in rhe nreclia,it is all thc more ch:rller.rging
ro crcirrea platfonn of st:rbility frorn which
to build more respectful human relatior-rs.M:rrie F'orttrne'sbrave work l-rasbeen
irr-r
import.nt p.rt of this process.The pai'ful effbrts of califbrnia Bucldhisr san{bas
)
-UO*NIE
KAZA
havealso contributed to the evolutior.rof socialattitudes. By sharing respor.rsibilityfor
behavior, teachersand students are lesslikely to get into quite as much trottsexr-ral
ble irs they clid in the l9B0s. But I still wouldnt underestimatethousirndsof yearsof
biological cor.rditioning.Shunryu Suzuki, founding teacherof the San FranciscoZen
C.nter, wils once askedby a student about whether or not to engxge in sex,and if so,
how much. Suzuki gave only:r short answer:"No sex?Problems.Sex?Problerns."
And the student was lefi to struggle with the firll weight of this age-old question.
NOTIiS
('-ood5itx:
l . S u w a n l a S a t h : r , A n a n c l ", I l u c l c l h i s mo n S c x u a l i t y a n d E n l i g h t c n r n e n t , " i t r
I'.. Hunt.
Maly
Bcattie
Patrici:r
by
cdited
Religions,
Wor/d's
tfu
Jr'rng'
Feytinist Perspectiucs
/rorn
a n c l I l a c l h i k a B a l a k r i s h n a n ( N e r v B r u n s u , i c k , N J : I l . u t g e r s U r r i v e r s i t y P r e s s ,2 0 0 1 ) , p p .
113-l).4.
2. Adfiar.r Fors1,th,A Ndtur.a/ Hisror\ oJ'Sex (Shelburne, VT: cl'repters l)ublishing l.td,
l9ti6).
J . l { i t a c a r t c r , M a p p i n g t h e M i i l d ( B e r k c l e v :U n i v e r s i t y o f c a l i f o r n i a l ) r e s s ,l 9 9 B ) , p . 7 1 t .
,1. H:rmnralarv:r S"idloris",
Buddhist Ethirs: The htth to Niruanrr (London: Wisdom,
1 9 8 7 ) ,p p . 8 8 9 2 .
5. lbid., p. 88.
The Printiplcs oJ'Iluddhist l\1tho/og1 (Albeny: State Univcrsitl' ol'
6. DauiiKalupaharn,
N c r v Y o r k P r g 5 5 l,9 $ / ) , p . 4 6 .
7 . S a c l d h a t i s s ap,. 8 9 .
g. lllrantc (lrrnar:rr:rna,Ei,qhtMindful St?psn Happines (sonrerville, MA: wisdom, 2001),
oo.119-120.
9 . Q u o t e { i 1 M i c h e e l l ) o r v n i n g , S h o c sO u x i r h t h e [ ) o o r ( W a s h i n g t o n , l ) ( - : C ) o u n t c r p o i n r '
2001p
) ,. 6 5 .
-Ib
t e l l t h c s r o l y , M i c h a c l D o r v n i n g c o n t a c t e c tl h r e c y c a r so f i t r t e n ' i c r v s ,t a l k i n g t o a s
10.
lrany kc1, players as rvoulcl meet rvith hirn. IJe combed org:rnizational rlocltmcnt's' chccked
f i . t . ' " . . . r r i r n , r r . . r , a n c l c o m p i l c d a f a i r l l ' c o m p l e t e h i s t o r y o f t h i s t r - r n r u l t t r o r :pse r i o c li t l Z e r t
Cclter's l.ristorv.For thc rnosi part thc book has bccn lvell rcceived :rnd acccpted as an accuriltc reprcsent:rtion of "lvhat came clou'tr" during tl-rattirllc.
1+
1 I . Robert Aitkcn, Ilr Mind ot''clouer (San Fnncisco: North I)oint l)ress, I 984), p. I .
1 2 . I b i d . .o . 4 1 .
13. Roberi Airken,'hkingthc Parlt o.f'7.ert(S:rn Frrncisco: North Point l)rcss, 19fi2), p. fl3.
14. Aitkcn, The Mind oJ Clouer,p. 37
1 5 .I b i d .p, .4 3 .
'Action
ancl C)ompassionin the World," Btrdlltist Peacehellou,ship
16.'l'hich Nhat Hanh,
N t w s l e t t e r7 , n o . 3 ( 1 9 8 5 ) : l - 1 4 . Q t r o t e l r o m p . 1 3 .
1 7 .l ' h i c h N h a t H a n l ' r , F o r a F u t u r e t o b c l ' o s s i b / e : C o m n t e r t t r t r i t s o n t b c l ' i t t e W o n r l e r flu' r/e '
r r p r s ( B c r k e l e y :P a r a l l a xP r e s s ,1 9 9 3 ) , p . 3 0 .
18.'fhe full titlc is Sexin tfu l.orbilden Zone: Vbcn Men iu l)ou,tr-T'bcrapi.sts, l)octors,
C l e r g y , T i a c h e r s , a n d o t h e r s - B e t r d y w o x t e n ' s ' I n . r t ( l . o s A n g e l e s : J e r e m y _ P . T a r c h e1r9, 8 9 ) .
i!. S",-r.lyBoucher, "First Step, Important Openir.rg,"Iluddhist I'eaceFellotushipNewslt'trer
s p r i n g1 9 9 1 ,p . 1 6 .
2 0 . I b i d . .o . 1 7 .
2 1 . A s d i s c u s s e di n J o h n l l c r t h r o r r g , " l , o v c , L u s t , a n c ls c x : A c h r i s t i a n l ) c r s p e c t i v c , i"n t h i s
volul.tlc.
22.Tht "Saf! Harbor" booklct can bc orclercd from the lludclhist Pe:rceFcllowship, ancl
t h c e t h i c sg u i d c l i n e sf r o m S p i r i t R o c k a r e p o s t c r lo n t h e i r ' W c b s i t e , < w r w v . s p i r i t r t , c k . o r g t .
23. See
2004).
24. Ibid
2 5 .S e e
26. Ibid
27.See
Zen Centet
28. Ilrid
29. Ibid
30' Sce
oncili:rtion
31.Ibic
n
rl
B U D D H I S T S E X U A L E , T H I C SI N A M T I R I C A
ity for
troLr:arsof
) Zen
if so,
ems."
[1.
'SexJunt,
, PP.
i.rd,
71.
3nt,
'of
See<wrvrv.spiritrock.org/html/sRMCr_F,AR
council.html>(acccssed
2 March
^^^2.1.
2004).
24.rbid.
2 5 . S c e . < w w w . s p i r i t r - c k . o r ghi r n r l / t e a c h e r _ e t h i c s . r r t r ' l >( : r c c e s s e d
2 March 2004).
26. Ibid.
2 7 ' S e c< . r v w w s f Z C . o r g / P a g e s / V i s i o n / r ' i s i o n . h t r n >",E t h i c a l
P r i n c i p l e sg f S : r n F r a n c i s c c r
Z e n c e n t c r ' ' ' s c c r i o n o n " l ' h e t s s c n t i a l p r c c e p t s "( a c c e s s ezc l
March 2004).
28.rbid.
29.Ibid.
30 See
s f Z ( l . o r s / P a g e s / V i s i o n / v i s i o n . h t r n > ," P r o c e d u r e sf b r .( i r i c v a n c e
and Rcc,
..<urvw
o n c i l i a t i o n".
31. Ibicl.