Click here to - global presidential election

CERTIFICATE OF CORRECTNESS
I, George W. Bush, president of United States of
America, do hereby certify that the measures
included herein will be submitted to the electors of
the State
of EuropeOFatCORRECTNESS
the Global Presidential
CERTIFICATE
ElectionI, to
heldSecretary
throughout
the ofworld
in 2004,
TimbeBlue,
of State
the State
of Italy, do hereby certify
measureshas
included
herein willprepared
be submitted
and thatthat
thisthe
pamphlet
been correctly
in to the electors of
the
State
of
Italy
at
the
Global
Presidential
Election to be held
accordance with the law.
throughout the world on June 6-7, 2003, and that this pamphlet has
been correctly prepared in accordance with the law.
Witness my hand and the Great Seal of the Global
President,
this 22nd
dayand
of May,
2004Seal of the President of United States,
Witness
my hand
the Great
this 22nd May, 2003
Tim Blue
George Secretary
W. Bush of State of Italy
President of the United States of America
Dear Americans,
In these times of shifting borders and shaky economies we continue in our pursuit of security
through a revival of Manifest Destiny. With the aim of promoting stability and peace throughout
the world we refuse to sign treaties and are beyond the prosecution of international law. As a
Christian nation we believe in the Bible. This is why we must support Israel. Jews are almost
Christians, and Israel will be the seat of Armageddon. God said so.
In America, individual choice is a supreme value; this is why we bring to you some of the most
extreme individual candidates for a global empire. To show we are not the closed, one-sided
society many Europeans believe us to be, we have chosen candidates for you from many cultures.
All these brave men have been on the cutting edges of strong arm politics. You should be happy
we are giving you a choice! It is the American way.
To ensure the integrity of the voting process, we have re-tooled the voting infrastructure to make
sure political ideas that have died or have been eliminated no longer remain on the voting polls,
and implemented a security system that reveals individual voters who subvert our democracy
will be prosecuted well beyond the farthest reaches of the law. It has been an honor working side
by side with these thirteen historical leaders to offer you this historical choice; one leader, one
world.
Your vote matters!
The time has come to bring a common sense solution to changing world that resembles
true, democratic ideals, restoring order through the power of one leader freely elected. I
believe in God, as did the founders of our land, and in Christian values and customs. It is
government’s task to project and rule through these moral truths. I do not support the rule
of cowards who govern under veils and shrouds. It is my promise to shock and awe with
the ruin I leave in my wake. If God is with me in this effort, then who can be against me. If
you are a brave enough people, with a vision of a united world, be a hero, sacrifice your
individual rights and please thoughtfully consider casting your vote for George W. Bush.
Nationality:
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Party:
REPUBLICAN
Date of birth:
1946
Accomplishments:
In my brief time as a leader of the free world, I have:
- Used a national tragedy to lend legitimacy to my own regime
- Further eroded the constitution rights already begun by the Clinton Administration,
showing me to be truly bi-partisan.
- Passed sweeping laws and created bureaus that will closely monitor and quickly
extinguish any suspected dissent.
- Resumed building a peace based on withdrawal from international treaties and economic/
military intimidation.
- Wiped out two states, in a move towards peace in the middle east.
Nazionalità::
nazionalità
REPUBLIC IRAQ
Partito:
BAATH
Data della nascita:
1946
Like anuninsect,
Come
insetto,
I am
sono
small
piccolo
but indestructible.
ma indestructible.
Economic
Sanzioni
sanctions,
economiche,
smart bombe
bombs, astute
and thee
retorica dei
rhetoric
of weaklings;
weaklings;these
queste
things
coseroll
rotolano
off myfuori
back della
like water
mia parte
off aposteriore
turtle’s shell.
come
Are
acqua
you
fuori I delle
sure
am incoperture
My cell? dei
Do you
turtle’s.
knowSapete
where dove
I am George
sono George
W. Bush?
W. Bush?
If you want
Se desiderate
to kill me
ucciderli
you
have dovete
to find me
trovarli
first.inI have
primodrained
luogo.the
Sono
Great
dappertutto.
Marshes ofHoIraq.
vuotato
They lestink
paludi
of Shiites.
grandi
dell'Iraq.
My
footprints
Puzzano
in thedisands
Shiites.
of Kuwait
Le mieleft
orme
a trail
nelle
of sabbie
fire. The
delthought
Kuwaitofhanno
me brings
lasciato
tearsuna
of
traccia
gas
to Kurdish
di fuoco.
eyes.
Il pensiero
I believediinme
a strong
porta leadership
le rotture dihelped
gas agli
by trusted
occhi kurdish.
thugs. Please,
Credo please,
in una
direzione
please
let forte
me be
aiutata
your dai
leader.
thugsI want
di fiducia.
my face
lascilo
painted
per favore
on buildings
per favore
fromprego
New essere
York to
la
vostra guida.
Singapore,
statues
Desidero
of me standing
la mia in
faccia
Cape verniciata
Town and London.
sulle costruzioni da nuovo York a
Singapore, statue di me che mi levo in piedi a Città del Capo e Londra.
Accomplishments:
-Realizzazioni:
I recognize the importance of a strong family; America is lead by a family like mine.
- IRiconosco
have helped
l'importanza
the world di
seeuna
through
famiglia
theirforte;
hypocrisy.
L'America è cavo da una famiglia come
- mine.
Germany
Ho aiutato
and France
il mondo
understand
per vedere
me. con la loro ipocrisia.
-- La
I have
Germania
come toe la
seeFrancia
that I am
lo capiscono.
beautiful for who I am. Psychological therapy has helped me
- Sono myself.
accept
venuto vedere
You need
chetosono
see bello
my therapist.
per chi sono. La terapia psicologica lo ha aiutato a
accettarsi. Dovete vedere il mio therapist.
Who has been so radical in scope and vision! Have you ever wanted to start over? Do you
ever wonder why you are who you are, born into a world you did not choose? My
government saw a complete departure from standard models of revolution. We abandoned
Reason itself! By declaring Year Zero, demolishing banks, emptying cities, and killing
everyone, I promised a clean slate, a chance to build a world from nothing. In fact, if I
promise anything it is Nothing. Nothing on a scale so vast as to be incomprehensible. I can
live in a jungle, I don’t give a fuck. I seek only the beauty of blossoming rot on the skin of
corpses that give us a hope for a new world, a world where we are not tormented by
thinking anymore. Be yourself, lose yourself, feel the ecstasy of total annihilation. A vote
for me is a vote for a damning, eternal, Nothingness.
Nationality:
KINGDOM OF CAMBODIA
Party:
KHMER ROUGE
Date of birth:
1925-1998
Accomplishments:
- Death, Exoticism, Poetry, Nihilism, the End of the Intellect. You can detect me in every
form of underground art in the 20th century, from dada to Throbbing Gristle. I Am Death.
Nationality:
nazionalità:
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF
GERMANY
GERMANY
Partito:
Party:
NAZI
NAZI
Data
nascita:
Date della
of birth:
1889-1945
1889-1945
Coming dall'origine
Venendo
from humble
humble,
origin,
come
like
la maggior
most people
parte della
in this
gente
world,
in questo
I have
mondo,
an ho
intricate
una
comprensione complicata
understanding
of the nature
della
of power.
natura di
Seeing
alimentazione.
as I did the
Vedendo
old ways
poichè
of early
ho fatto
capitalism
i vecchifall
sensi della
away
to more
caduta
modern
in anticipo
methods
di capitalismo
of ruling,viaI aiwas
metodi
the più
firstmoderni
leader di
to regolamento,
truly incorporate
ero
la prima guida
technology
intoallineare
government.
per comprendere
My death camps
la tecnologia
were models
nel governo.
of efficiency
I mieithat
accampamenti
improved the
di morteof
concept
erano
massmodelli
production
di efficienza
by infusing
che ithanno
with amigliorato
moral purpose;
il concetto
death.di fabbricazione in
serie infondendolo con uno scopo morale; morte.
Germany under my rule was a shining example of order, visionary information
La Germania secondo
dissemination
and above
la mia
all, regola
happiness
era un
to those
esempio
whobrillante
helped di
meordine,
help themselves.
diffusione delle
Since my
informazioni
Reich
the world
del has
visionario
shown eitself
soprattutto,
to embrace
felicità
racism.
a coloro
Genocides
che lo ha
since
aiutato
mine
a aiutarsi.
have lost their
Poichéand
vigor
il mio
pride,
reich
they
il mondo
have lacked
si è indicato
courage,per
and
abbracciare
therefore, ilglory.
razzismo.
A voteGenocides
for me is poiché
attemptlato
minieraa ha
return
classical
perso iland
loro
profound
vigore ed
pride
orgoglio,
to murder.
hanno difettato del coraggio e quindi, glory. Un
voto per me è tentativo di restituire un orgoglio classico e profondo all'omicidio.
Accomplishments:
-Realizzazioni:
Six millions (need I say more!)
- The
Sei milioni
fusing of
(bisogno
moderndico
methods
più!) of production with annihilation.
- Established
La fusione dei
an metas
army and
moderni
policediwhose
produzione
uniforms
con have
annientamento.
yet to be rivaled.
- Seriously
Ha stabilito
setun
back
esercito
modern
e laart
polizia
by exile
di cui
andi uniforms
imprisonment.
hanno ancora essere competuti in.
- Arte
Proved
moderna
to be aindietro
strong contender
seriamenteinregolata
how many
tramite
statesexile
I could
e l'imprigionamento.
take over per-month.
- è risultato essere un concorrente forte in quante condizioni potrei assumere la direzione
del per-mese.
It has been said that the leaders of African cultures make their decisions based upon how
such choices will affect the next seven generations. Truly this is how I ruled Uganda. I
believe that by utilizing supernatural laws to create a unity consciousness though fear we
are better able to address the needs of a changing society. The tales of orgies, cannibalism
and magic illustrate my commitment to the ideals of a pre-colonial Africa, while not
betraying the western model of Divine Rule.
I have come to see that the world has grown cold as the Rational holds everything captive
with its steely gaze. I have felt the power of consuming an enemy, and feel this is my gift to
you. By electing me as Global President you embrace the lost pleasures of the Irrational, of
not knowing who is next, and of things that remain unknown.
Nationality:
REPUBLIC OF UGANDA
Party:
KABAKA YEKKA
Date of birth:
1925
Accomplishments:
- No one knows where I am, I have become Immaterial.
- A documentary that I demanded be re-edited, and directed by a reputed filmmaker was
made of my life, and is available on DVD.
- With a lower “kill-rate” than many of my contemporaries, I show that effective
government operates just as well on fear as on bloodshed, and is less expensive.
Nationality:
nazionalità:
UNION OF THE SOVIET
SOCIALIST
SOCIALIST REPUBLICS
REPUBLICS
Partito:
Party:
BOLSHEVIK
BOLSHEVIK
Data
nascita:
Date della
of birth:
1879-1953
1879-1953
Needed to rule
Necessario
regolare
the entire
l'intero
world
mondo
demands
richiede
a man
un strong
uomo enough
abbastanza
to sacrifice
forte permillions
sacrificare
and
milioni eofmilioni
millions
weak, useless
di gentepeople.
deboleIteisinutile.
a task that
È un'operazione
requires a degree
che richiede
of selflessness.
un grado
Many
del
selflessness.
leaders
of the
Molte
twentieth
guide century
del ventesimo
are renowned
secolo sono
for renowned
their barbarity,
per il for
lorotheir
barbarity,
cruelty,
perthe
la
loro crudeltà,
splash
and sensation
spruzzata
of etheir
sensazione
policies.delle
Many
loropeople
politiche.
are Molta
not aware
gentethat
nonthe
è informata
blood on che
my
l'animaissulle
hands
upwards
mie mani
of nineteen
è ascendente
milliondisouls.
diciannove
I believe
milione
that to
anime.
wear Credo
Evil onche
one’s
quello
sleeve
portare
is a
la malvagità
thing
of the past.
sul manicotto
The deaddei
beneath
one?s my
sia feet
una cosa
are silent
del passato.
becauseI Imorti
stripped
sottothem
i miei
of piedi
hope
sono silenziosi
before
ridding the
perché
earth
li ho
of messi
them. aI nudo
do notdi believe
speranzainprima
God, dello
only sbarazzamento
in the power ofdella
my terra
will.
di loro.is Non
There
too much
credoviolence
in dio, solo
in the
nell'alimentazione
world because there
dellaaremia
toovolontà.
many personal
Ci è troppa
interests.
violenza
The
nel mondo must
Individual
perché
finally
ci sono
go. troppi
I am humble,
interessithis
personali.
is why soL'individuo
few know me,
devebut
infine
I promise,
andare.should
Sono
humble,
you
elect ecco
me, we
perchè
will become
così pochi
one lo
andconoscono
you may know
me, ma
me as
promettono,
you know yourself.
se lo scegliete,
My name
ci
transformeremo
is
strength. Be strong
in inanduno
choose
e potete
togetherness
conoscerli
over mentre
division.vi conoscete. Il mio nome è
resistenza. Sia forte e scelga il togetherness sopra divisione.
Accomplishments:
-Realizzazioni:
Encouraged the construction of the nicest buildings in Eastern Europe.
- Reduced
Ha consigliato
economic
alla costruzione
productivitydelle
by 14%
costruzioni
my first più
three
piacevoli
years ininpower
Europa
(the
orientale.
people needed
- aIl rest)
rendimento economico ridotto da 14% i miei primi tre anni nell'alimentazione (la gente
-14.5
ha avuto
million
bisogno
killeddiinun
forced
resto)collectivization, 600,000 political enemies eliminated, who
- remembers
14,5 milioniallhathe
ucciso
rest! nella collettivizzazione forzata, 600,000 nemici politici eliminati,
che si ricorda di tutto il resto!
While many Heads of States have experience and education that remains only in the realm
of politics, I understand that to be a complete person means to diversify one’s interests. In
order to get the most out of life one needs more than power. I believe that today’s world is
shaped by Image more than anything else. This is why I am so careful in maintaining my
own Image. If nothing else, I am cool! I have written no less than six operas in the span of
two years, and designed a towering building in the center of our capital.
I wear platform shoes and perm my hair. In addition to being a playboy and artist, I take
my role as Supreme Leader very seriously, most recently resuming our Nuclear Program.
With an understanding that terrorists are cool, I have adopted some of their strategies,
masterminding the bombing of an airliner, as well as one of a building in Rangoon that
relieved me of several of my enemies. Be Cool! Vote for Kim Jong Il.
Nationality:
DEMOCRATIC PEOPLE’S
REPUBLIC OF KOREA
Party:
KOREAN WORKERS
Date of birth:
1942
Accomplishments:
- Best looking Chief of State.
- Consistent in keeping my region of Asia unstable.
- Established a domestic policy of Poverty and Starvation.
- Recently landed my country on the prestigious Axis of Evil.
Nationality:
nazionalità::
Nazionalità
ITALIAN REPUBLIC
REPUBBLICA
ITALIANA
Party:
Partito:
FORZA
FASCISTITALIA
Date della
of birth:
Data
nascita:
1947
1883-1945
Work,
Nel
risultato
work, della
work,guerra
I am almost
mondiale
German.
due, laWork
storiawill
lo trascura
set youcome
free! figura
The charges
secondaria
against
vicino
me
ai similimoney
include
di Hitler
laundering,
(chi ha rubato
tax evasion,
le miebribery
idee). and
Unfairly
complicity
mi sono
to murder.
sbagliato
What
un contadino.
the judges
Infatti,
do
not ho
realize
inventato
is thatil Ifascismo,
am untouchable.
che non èThe
statokinds
dato of
maipolitics
una probabilità
I represent
giusta.
are completely
Capisco la
psicologia
new.
My people
umanalove
e soltanto
me; I bought
ho potuto
thefare
votes
così
of coprendo
the elderly
la through
sfera intera
freediteeth,
pensare
the politico.
votes of
Conyouth
the
una priorità
throughbassa
my knowledge
in Marx edofinfootball,
Nietzsche
andche
the sono
votesvenuto
of everyone
capire else
la divisione
through my
del
codice categoria,
audacity.
In fact, io
what
si èI want,
mossoI attraverso
buy. This is
i Rank
the truth
delle
of politiche
today’s vote.
di sinistra
Politicsestreme
are tiedper
to
registrare and
celebrity,
soltanto
in Italy,
il Parlamento
I am famous.
su una
Whatpiattaforma
do Judges lontano
know? What
giusta.
do Primo
you know?
pensiero
VoteIfor
di
alimentazione
me.
Just do it, maybe
centralizzante
you willingetuna
a free
persona,
television,
tenente
everyone
tutti i titoli
needsimmediatamente.
one.
Il mio
paese non ha potuto mai ottenere sopra me, il nostro è un amore tragico. Poichè globale
presidente potremmo celebrare la democrazia uccidendola complessivamente.
Accomplishments:
-I own the television stations
Realizzazioni:
-I
own the newspapers
- Ha
-I
own
formato
lovely una
houses
dottrina politica la maggior parte del montaggio per un'era moderna.
- Ho
-I
own
scritto
the government
un romanzo.
- Sono
-I
wantcirca
to own
versatile
you una guida nella mia priorità bassa come vedrete mai, benchè non
vediate tale versatilità nella mia regola.
I look like a white man. Power is white. Jesus is white. White is right. The snow that is
pure is white. Anger is white. The power of my cock is white. Cum is white. An empty
page is white. White is the color of truth. A dead man’s eyes are white. White is light in our
darkness. Ashes are white. The sun is blinding white. Forgetfulness and oblivion are white.
I suffer no white guilt. Justice is white. The future is white. I have torn through all colors,
and come out white. Sail forth White, infinity is before us!
Accomplishments:
- Invented the concept of Ethnic Cleansing.
- The world looked at my Genocide because it was white. Fuck Rwanda.
- My people are clean.
Nationality:
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF
YUGOSLAVIA
Party:
SERBIAN COMMUNIST
Date of birth:
1941
Nationality:
nazionalità:
PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF CHINA
Party:
Partito:
CHINESE COMMUNIST
COMMUNIST
Date della
of birth:
Data
nascita:
1893-1976
In 1966 Ihohad
avuto
the opportunity
l'occasione assistere
to attend aa “Happening” directed
diretto dall'artista
by the Fluxus
di Fluxus,
artist, Yoko
Ono. It
Erawas
là there
che hothat
venuto
I meta several
contattokey
di figures
parecchie
of figure
a global,
chiave
avant-garde
di un globale,
elite, including
elite del
avant-garde,
John
Lennoncompreso
of the Beatles.
John Lennon
At this
del event,
Beatles.I A
came
questo
to evento,
realize sono
the full
venuto
extent
realizzare
of how
il
limite completo
intellectuals
corrupt
di the
come
Power
gli ofintellettuali
Youth. Speaking
corrompono
with these
l'alimentazione
degenerates eventually
della gioventù.
led to
Parlando
my
being con
escorted
questi
from
degenera
the party.
finalmente
John Lennon
condotto
later snubbed
al mio che
me escorted
in his song,
dal“Revolution”.
partito. John
Lennon
With
these
più things
successivamente
on my mind,
snubbed
I cameme
upnella
with sua
the canzone
idea of a“Revolution”.
“Cultural Revolution”,
Con questewhere
cose
sulla mia
youth
would
mente,
regain
ho fornito
their power
l'ideaindi the
un giro
form“Cultural”,
of a Red Guard.
dove laI gioventù
met one riguadagnerebbe
million of these
la lorolater
youth
alimentazione
in 1966 and sotto
the transformation
forma d'un rosso
began.custodisca.
For ten years
Ho our
venuto
work awas
contatto
writtenpiù
in
successivamente
blood
on the Walls
di of
un History.
milione By
di dei
voting
questi
for la
megioventù
we would
in continue
1966 e laour
trasformazione
work. Think ha
of
cominciato.
what
we could
Per dieci
do together;
anni il nostro
force lavoro
an imprisoned
è stato scritto
Yoko nell'anima
Ono to put
sulle
a gun
pareti
to dithestoria.
two
Votando perBeatles,
remaining
me continueremmo
then finish her
il nostro
work lavoro.
as a performance
Pensi a cheartist,
cosa potremmo
Phil Collins,
fareMadonna,
insieme;
forzi un Spears,
Brittany
Yoko imprisoned
I mean, come
Onoon!
perEnough
mettereofuna
thispistola
tyranny
ai from
due Beatles
a dynasty
restante,
of mediocre,
quindi
rifinisca Pop
western
il suo
Stars!
lavoro
If you
come
make
un artista
me Global
di prestazioni,
President we
Philmay
Collins,
find quiet
Madonna,
at last.Britney Spear,
io significa, si accendono! Abbastanza di questa tirannia da un dynasty delle stelle mediocri
e occidentali di schiocco! Se mi rendete il presidente globale possiamo trovare quiet in
Accomplishments:
-fine.
No where else in history have one million, young, nubile hotties gathered in one man’s
name to inaugurate ten years of suffering.
-Realizzazioni:
I am personally mentioned in a Beatles song.
- INessun
have met
dove
Yoko
altrimenti
Ono nella storia abbia un milione di, il giovane, hotties nubile raccolti
- in
I hate
un nome
artists.dei man?s per inaugurare dieci anni di sofferenza.
- Sono accennato personalmente in una canzone di Beatles.
- Ho venuto a contatto di Yoko Ono.
- Odio gli artisti.
Nationality:
nazionalità:
STATE OF REPUBLIC
ISRAEL
OF CHINA
PEOPLE’S
Party:
Partito:
CHINESE COMMUNIST
LIKUD
COMMUNIST
Date della
of birth:
Data
nascita:
1893-1976
1928
For1966
In
everyIhohad
problem
avuto
the opportunity
l'occasione
there is a solution,
assistere
to attendFinally.
aa “Happening”
There is directed
diretto
moneydall'artista
to
bybethemade
Fluxus
diinFluxus,
Institutional
artist, Yoko
Ono. It
Violence,
Erawas
and
là there
che
I have
hothat
venuto
shown
I metthe
a several
contatto
validity
key
dioffigures
parecchie
violence
of as
figure
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Nationality:
nazionalità:
STATE OF REPUBLIC
REPUBLIKA
ISRAEL
Y’U RWANDA
PEOPLE’S
OF CHINA
Party:
Partito:
CHINESE COMMUNIST
LIKUD
INTERAHAMWE
COMMUNIST
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of birth:
Data
nascita:
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1941
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Accomplishments:
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No where else in history have one million, young, nubile hotties gathered in one man’s
name to inaugurate ten years of suffering.
-Realizzazioni:
I am personally mentioned in a Beatles song.
- INessun
have met
dove
Yoko
altrimenti
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I hate
un nome
artists.dei man?s per inaugurare dieci anni di sofferenza.
- Sono accennato personalmente in una canzone di Beatles.
- Ho venuto a contatto di Yoko Ono.
- Odio gli artisti.
Nationality:
nazionalità:
STATE OF
UNITED
STATES
ISRAEL
OF AMERICA
PEOPLE’S
REPUBLIC
OF CHINA
Party:
Partito:
CHINESE COMMUNIST
LIKUD
REPUBLICAN
COMMUNIST
Date della
of birth:
Data
nascita:
1893-1976
1947
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trasformazione
work. Think ha
of
cominciato.
what
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Per dieci
do together;
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force lavoro
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a dynasty
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quindi
rifinisca Pop
western
il suo
Stars!
lavoro
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come
make
un artista
me Global
di prestazioni,
President we
Philmay
Collins,
find quiet
Madonna,
at last.Britney Spear,
io significa, si accendono! Abbastanza di questa tirannia da un dynasty delle stelle mediocri
e occidentali di schiocco! Se mi rendete il presidente globale possiamo trovare quiet in
Accomplishments:
-fine.
No where else in history have one million, young, nubile hotties gathered in one man’s
name to inaugurate ten years of suffering.
-Realizzazioni:
I am personally mentioned in a Beatles song.
- INessun
have met
dove
Yoko
altrimenti
Ono nella storia abbia un milione di, il giovane, hotties nubile raccolti
- in
I hate
un nome
artists.dei man?s per inaugurare dieci anni di sofferenza.
- Sono accennato personalmente in una canzone di Beatles.
- Ho venuto a contatto di Yoko Ono.
- Odio gli artisti.
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